Has it happened yet?

[indigolivia]

God, have I seen the funniest movie I will ever see? Have I already laughed the hardest I will ever laugh? Have I felt the most physical pain that I will ever feel yet? What about emotionally? Will I have a heartbreak that is even worse than the one I had when I was 13? Will I fall into a deeper love than the one I feel now? If I do, will I have the same doubts about them that I have now? Have I already worn the best outfit I will ever wear? Look the best that I have ever looked? Have I experienced the most authentic friendship I will ever encounter? Are they around, still? If I feel everything so strongly the first time, will the exposure to these emotions desensitize me? Does it hurt less to lose the other parent after the first? Will I outlive my younger sister? My older brother? Will I have a child? Will they die in a horrific accident? Will they be bullied for their body like I was? Will I pass down my mental health issues and lose them to suicide? Will I blame myself and follow them?  Will my spouse make it home from work safely every day? Will they cheat on me? Will that hurt? Or did I see it coming? Will I cheat first? Will I try to make it home "because I am not that tipsy" and cost someone else their loved ones life? Will I ever have blood on my hands? Will it eat me alive? Will I stay kind hearted throughout my years?  Have I already done the worst thing I have ever done? If I haven't, when I do, will my family still love me? Will the loss of my parents hurt less if I marry a woman, and they never accept her? Have I felt my greatest betrayal? Will I ever stop worrying so much?