You Make Me Nauseous
Sep. 19th, 2025 03:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
indigoliviaThe first time I saw you, I imagined your name. I saw your hands, and I pictured them interlaced with my small intestine. Cats Cradle. You made my body purr and my back arch. The second time I saw you, I pictured myself drumming my fingers on the buttons of your spine, I wondered if they are made of magnets, and all of the iron in my blood was clawing through my veins to be closer to you.The third time I saw you was the last, because it feels ongoing. I have never met a man so euphoria inducing! I have never met a person so terrifying.
I want your fingerprints on my window pane, breaking in for me when I lock myself out. I want your hair in my bed. I want your gigantic shoes by my front door, I want my other headphone in your ear. I want to feed you my brain for breakfast, I want to enjoy yours for lunch. We can mix them together for dinner, I want to lose sight of where I end and you begin. There is no discernibility for where my bad ends and my good begins.
I bring out angrier sides of you. I make you more like me in the worst ways. What does it mean when you want it so bad but cant stop crushing it in your hands like a tiny, newborn bird? What does it mean when I feed it? When I spit my emotions into its mouth, and let it grow, and it gets harder to kill? What does it mean when I have nightmares where I am covered in your blood? Where you are the bird, where I decide you are too big to kill, where I settle for clipping your wings. I feel like I am flying circles around you. I feel like I am a bird of prey.
I feel like we need to see other people.
I want your fingerprints on my window pane, breaking in for me when I lock myself out. I want your hair in my bed. I want your gigantic shoes by my front door, I want my other headphone in your ear. I want to feed you my brain for breakfast, I want to enjoy yours for lunch. We can mix them together for dinner, I want to lose sight of where I end and you begin. There is no discernibility for where my bad ends and my good begins.
I bring out angrier sides of you. I make you more like me in the worst ways. What does it mean when you want it so bad but cant stop crushing it in your hands like a tiny, newborn bird? What does it mean when I feed it? When I spit my emotions into its mouth, and let it grow, and it gets harder to kill? What does it mean when I have nightmares where I am covered in your blood? Where you are the bird, where I decide you are too big to kill, where I settle for clipping your wings. I feel like I am flying circles around you. I feel like I am a bird of prey.
I feel like we need to see other people.
