Dont Squeak!

[indigolivia]

I wish I had more time to explain, I wish I had someone to explain to. I feel so removed from my safest place, where my sister and my best friend would have never let this happen. I feel so different from every single person I meet. Is it possible that the angel and the devil on my shoulders are swapping shifts? There's not a whole lot of balancing as much as there is pendulum swinging. I feel it swinging like a body from a noose. Am I still evil if I love my friends this much? Am I still wretched if I cry when I see the dead birds on the sidewalk? Am I still good when I hurt you on purpose? When I go for the jugular at the first sign of any conflict? Am I still kind? When I throw my knives with my eyes closed? 

The multitudes inside of me are pin-balling off of my bones. The movement heats me up, the pressure makes me scream in your face. The heat makes me spit my venom. I see myself in your eyes, I am seven and I am holding both the blades and the sutures. I am holding the water, I am holding the matches. I am holding the moon for you in admiration, until I am hurling it at you in anger. A woman so opinionated and steadfast, but whiplashing herself into oblivion in all regards, is a pathetic, spineless woman. Maybe the weight of duality took my spine. 

The weight of my multitudes vaporized my spine!